I don’t know how to tell you what I feel. I how know how to start… I’ve been battling depression, I’ve been having a hard time laughing and crying. I don’t wanna feel either. I wanna Hug you but I can’t. I wanna tell you how much you mean to mean… I don’t know how… please don’t stop loving me.
You think I’ve become so quiet because of everything you think you do right? Wrong. You tell me you try so hard, do you? I know you’ll buy me anything or do anything I want. That’s not what I need. I wanna know you’re there for me. I wanna see that you love me. I wanna feel you close when I most need it.
You ask if I’m okay, and I think I am. I’m not sure but I think so. I’m sorry I’ve become so dry or am I really? I’m paying attention to you. I agree with your projects and yet you still complain I’m not completely there. Well honestly I’m not. But honestly I don’t quite know what to do. Saturday I was so sick I thought I might die, you ignored me, watched porn and masturbated. Honestly I feel betrayed. I’m sorry but I’m having a hard time. I know you’re being nice, taking me out and being everything I always wanted… but what if I had gone? That’s how much you’d have shown me how much I mean to you?
So you fall asleep while I have a huge fiebre yesterday because I wasn’t really nice? My body was in so much pain, I actually thought I could and might die. Never felt that before. (Thanks God that I’m able to feel a bit better today) anyways so you literally ignored and told me it seemed like I wanted nothing to do with you. I’m sorry, I didn’t feel good and you know it! Why when I’m sick you just let me be and I try so hard to always make you feel better!?!? Yeah I know you’ve been a lot sweeter today, but why can’t you do it at the moment? Or why when I try to tell you about it, you start complaining what a bad person you are. I don’t want you to hate yourself, I just need you to be there for me in times like that.
It’s late and you’re barely asleep. Yes we did fight again. But I don’t get it. First you don’t even let me express myself and then later you wanted me to understand something else. If you want me to understand something else, then please say what you mean. Because now I just feel horrible and feel like I should hug you, but I can’t. It’s not fair.
Somehow now after I finally told them I’d quit, it’s hard. Was it right? I don’t know. Will I be okay? I’m tired being around people so I think this is the best. What’s hard for you?
I don’t get it. Why am I so scared to tell you how I feel? Your hugging me, while almost sleeping. Why don’t I just turn around and tell you how much you mean to me? I don’t know what I’d do without you. You mean the world to me. I don’t know where and what I’d do without you. You’re everything I always wanted and prayed for. You’re here and I love you with all my heart. Yet I don’t know how to express it. Your a husband so many would want and I don’t know how to appreciate it. Thanking for being here and loving me. I wish I’d know how to tell or show you how much you mean to me…