Wouldn’t it be easier telling me?

What goes through your mind? Why don’t you tell me? Wouldn’t it be easier just being honest? How are we both so prideful? Its not healthy and yet we don’t talk about it. How do we stop this? Is there anything that we can do? Is it too late to try? Or why did we stop trying? We even stopped excusing ourselves for it… I love you but don’t know how to show it anymore… Honestly I don’t even know how to receive it. Why can’t I open my mouth to tell you how I feel? I don’t know…

I miss who we used to be…

I miss how we used to dream together. I miss how you used to take me into your arms and held me tight. I miss how you used to tell me how beautiful I was. I miss how we used to talk for hours and hours. Our conversations made my day. They made me cry and laugh. I miss dreaming about us two. I miss the way we used to dream about our future together and how we said nothing could take away the happiness… I miss how I used to long for you and how I loved you…

I miss you… Can’t we go back to dancing and cuddling? Make up after we fight? Enjoy moments together and not keep secrets? Can’t we go back to telling each other how we feel? Before its all to late? I love you… But I don’t know how to feel it or show it anymore… I miss showing you that I miss you… I miss feeling happy, getting mad or even crying…

When did it all change? Will it change again? I miss you… My heart longs for yours and I know that yours long for me? What’s stopping us from breaking the wall? Come back, or maybe not? I don’t know… My heart is in pain, how do you sleep so peaceful without a care in the world? Good night…

Late night fantasy (Story time)

Picture I took in Veracruz

Hey Ginger (that’s me, not my real name but I’m a redhead), it’s late get up!!! Late for what, I asked. Have you forgotten? We’re going on Vacation, it’s late, hurry!! We have to go to the airport! Everyone got in the car and we left. We made it barely on time and off we went. When we went to Veracruz, we stayed in a beautiful hotel (we were there this year and it’s beautiful!) While everyone was out on the beach, I stayed inside and sat on the porch by the window (I dislike going outside because of getting burnt). As I was sitting there, I saw how beautiful the sunset was. Unbelievable!

Suddenly I heard someone calling my name, when I looked to the right side, I couldn’t believe my eyes!! My best friend from school was there. The guy I had always had a crush on. We rarely spoke in person, just over messages. My heart skipped a beat!! What are you doing here, I was almost screaming from excitement. He responded in a very calm voice, my grandma lives here, remember? I had completely forgotten about that! What are you doing here he asked while checking me out from the top to bottom, I was wearing a white lace dress over my bikini. We came here on vacation, but I prefer staying inside. I see, he said. And then walked back inside. Why did he always have to be so dry in person I asked myself… I didn’t get it… (Like for a part 2)

Dear Diary, He’s asleep

Dear Diary

It’s late again, I know. I used to cry myself to sleep. I’ve stopped. Honestly I don’t remember the last time I did it. Things become normal I guess. The pain makes you stronger. But I do know the last time I cried during the day (hadn’t done that in a long time), it was out of frustration. I always longed for someone to stand up for me. But I was embarrassed in front of the whole church meeting and he stayed quiet. He didn’t say a thing. They made in agreement that we as partners are not allowed to ask them about the meetings and just say we’ll pray. Everyone thought including the preacher that I’m the kind of wife wanting to know every thing. But you know what? I don’t… I don’t even care enough. When telling us the rules the constantly looked at me… Yet after the meeting he was upset with me, because I didn’t have a reason to be upset… Will the day come that he’ll stand up for me the way he does for church or his parents?

So yeah…

Ever feel like you don’t have anything to say? Yeah that’s how I feel… I wanna tell you how I feel, or do I? I want you close but if you do come close, I regret having wanted you close. I wanna be mean so so mean, but it’s so wrong… thank you God for helping me and I ask you to change me… I can’t do this alone, and there’s no doubt about that. I wanna do so many things yet I don’t know how to start and what to do… please help…

In case you didn’t know

Thanks baby for sending me that song! In such a long time I haven’t been near crying and sending me this song, made me emotional. In case you didn’t know, I’m crazy about you, I love you, you mean the world to me. In case you didn’t know, I’d love to tell you I couldn’t spend my life with anyone else then with you! I found it so sweet of you coming with us today and being with my on a trip with my students! Thank you for being you!

I am sorry, I do love you…

I’m sorry I’ve been so dry lately. It seems like lately I didn’t care. I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry for not forgiving you. You truly mean a lot to me! You do so much and thank you for being there for me. You help out my mom, you help me search for my dad. When I need something you’re there. Without you my life wouldn’t be the same. From this moment on, I’ll try my best to be more thankful and love you too! I do love you! Thank you!!!

Dad I care…

Please dad, come home. We all miss you. It’s not fair how you’re treating your family. How you leave us and just don’t come home again till you want to. But I want you to know we’re praying for you. Jesus died for your sin as well! I wish you’d see that! Please change your lifestyle before it’s too late. We love you. I wish you’d see that.

I don’t know how…

I don’t know how to tell you what I feel. I how know how to start… I’ve been battling depression, I’ve been having a hard time laughing and crying. I don’t wanna feel either. I wanna Hug you but I can’t. I wanna tell you how much you mean to mean… I don’t know how… please don’t stop loving me.